Note: This is a stream of consciousness post I wrote 7/26/2010. If you feel it speaks to or about you fantastic. Just know that it’s not written about any single person or event.
Friends. I’ve had many. More than my fair share, as I look back through my life. What frustrates me sometimes is how quickly we end up coming into and then leaving each others lives. It’s OK, because a part of you will always be with me. As I sit here today feeling new friendships grow, I feel others slipping away. I believe there are no coincidences. We did not come together at a time and place of our choosing. We came together because there was, for a time, a mutual attraction. We were both seeking something and the other offered that, if even for only a short time.
Life-long friends. Very rarely two people meet and know that for the rest of their lives they will know where the other is and what they are doing. Sometimes that knowledge will be vague. The effect you have on each other will be profound enough that you think about each other frequently. When you run into a life-long friend in an airport or on Facebook after years of separation you spend a great deal of time catching up and sharing intimate details about your lives. Life-long friends earned your trust and love years ago. It’s an irrevocable bond. I miss bunches of you right now. Some I’ve communicated with in the last few days or weeks. Others I have not had the opportunity to speak with in years.
Acquaintances. I’m not sure I even know what this word means anymore. I know I don’t like it. It implies that I know you, but not well enough to call you a friend. Really? By that definition every friend was an acquaintance at some point. I guess I prefer to think of these people as “early friends.” We already know there is common ground we just have to develop the trust to discuss the meaty topics.
The Five. Roughly five of your friends will be closest to you at any given time. If you use Twitter these are the five you can Direct Message and know you that will get a response. They won’t judge you or put your down. They will support and encourage you just as you support and encourage them. If you take a moment to look carefully at your life you’d see you are approximately the average of these five people. When your life doesn’t seem quite right, take a look at that average. It might be time to adjust it a bit. Perhaps this is why friends come and go from our lives when they do.
I'm glad I can call you a friend – hopefully for life. And yep, I can DM you knowing I'll get a supportive reply. You can always do the same with me! 🙂 I think paths cross, but people change, and we can't take everyone with us. So sometimes friendships fall off for no reason other than that. Sad but true. I like posts like this Jim! Keep 'em coming!
Acquaintances are really just early friends. I like it! 🙂
I heard of this a while back and thought it fitting for your blog today. This link is just one of many to discuss the findings. http://www.newscientist.com/blog/technology/200…
We humans are only wired to handle 150 active friends at one time.
Yes, for life Anne. Take a look at the post my Sister (CM2090) linked to. It's very interesting and is the same thing Chris Brogan talks about in Trust Agents.
I'm glad you do Sarah. I struggled with that paragraph more than any writing in recent memory. Really wanted to state it the way it feels to me.
Excellent post Caroline, thanks for sharing it here. As I mentioned to Anne Chris Brogan talks about this in his book Trust Agents as well which you are welcome to borrow anytime.
Fabulous post Jim. 🙂 It's good to take a step back and pay attention to things like this, what they are and how they influence and shape our lives. For me, I have found the important part is to recognize where people fit, but not assign rules or expectations to those labels at any given point in time. Life cycles, and so do relationships. People in our lives will bounce from one classification to another all the time… and that's ok. People try to fight that and apply guilt to themselves or others when things change. I say, what is today is what is. What is tomorrow, well we'll see what happens when it turns into a today.
Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Three items if your comment have me thinking:
1. Why do we humans feel the need to classify and label everything? (Lizard brain perhaps?)
2. “…and that's ok.” of course it's OK for others to have different perspectives than me. They don't even have to like me. I guess all I ask is either a. ignore me or b. be nice to me. Everything in between seems like a horrible waste of time and energy.
3. Your last sentence just says it all. 🙂
Thanks for continuing the conversation. 🙂
Nicely articulated, Jim. I absolutely believe that everything happens for a reason, including when you meet and befriend a new person. Each and every one of my friends has brought something to my life—enhanced it and enriched it somehow. I just hope it moves in the other direction as well. As the saying goes . . . that's what friends are for. (PS: love the “early friends” phrase.)
Humans don't do well with chaos, or not understanding things. What so many miss is that sometimes, just accepting not knowing can bring a clarity that can't be found elsewhere. 🙂
I sense a screenplay in the making! ha!
Almost every time I travel now I either meet an on-line friend coffee or drinks. Even when I don't get to meet someone my trip is somehow impacted by someone with local knowledge. I almost never eat at chain restaurants anymore thanks to on-line friendships. Hey, know any good Italian joints in St. Louis? 😉
Cindi, If you write it I'll sell it 🙂 #Rainmaker #JustSaying