Now that I have your attention, let me explain. Maybe it’s because women are just naturally more chatty than men, but I’ve noticed that women typically hit the ground running and gather a solid following in social media more quickly than men. Maybe it’s because women are more willing to friend or follow other women and, well, let’s face it, boys: We are more willing to friend or follow women too.
Social media imitates face-to-face interaction
Some women are just not comfortable talking with men they don’t know. Notice that I said “some,” not most or all. After getting to know them in the social media space, I’ve had the opportunity to interact face-to-face with some of my newer female friends. Several have explained to me that they are just not comfortable talking with men they don’t know very well. As one might expect, this could explain why it takes longer for a woman to follow/friend a male in social media than the reverse.
Most men, on the other hand, are pretty comfortable talking to anyone. I think of social media like a coffee shop or a bar. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in both types of establishments and have observed men will almost always start a conversation with the person they are sitting next to, regardless of sex. Women are typically more selective. A woman will start a conversation fairly easily with another woman. If the person next to her is a man, it’s not quite as likely.
When the style fades, the substance stays
Let’s face it, most boys like girls. (Yes, I understand that some boys prefer other boys and there is nothing wrong with that. This post is written from the perspective of a heterosexual male.) So, a girl puts a pretty picture of herself up as a Twitter avatar and boy sees the avatar. Boy is pretty likely to look further at what girl is all about. This might even be how I met Cindi Thomas. She’s got a cool Twitter handle as well: @Deziner. My wife Cheryl, is also easy on the eyes and has a fun Twitter handle, @HawtWife. The combination of good looks and a clever Twitter name, however, will only get you so far.
Relationships take time and then substance really matters. I’ve known Cindi for at least a year now and have come to know her as an expert in the areas of user experience and experiential design. We’ve met face-to-face many times and have become friends who respect each others’ differences and often engage in lively debates about design and social media topics. I’ve also come to know she’s an awesome mom and, sure, we still have fun chatting about fun topics like bacon and chocolate. Obviously, I’ve known Cheryl for a very long time, but I’ve been able to watch others get to know her on Twitter. They are quickly taken by her strong personality (she doesn’t back down from much) tempered with a desire to help others. As those folks get to know Cheryl, they learn she’s got a cool job in the medical records field, which makes her a bit of an expert on cancer disease statistics. She’s also an awesome mom, likes to exercise, drinks tea and loves chocolate!
Pickup lines and pretty faces
A pretty face will only get you so far. It really has about the same shelf life as the “clever” pickup lines my generation used in bars and clubs. If you can’t follow up with substance (and pretty darn quickly), the door you opened will be slammed in your face.
So, what’s you take? Is Dick at a disadvantage to all the chicks in the social media space?
This was a great post! Being a chick, I identified with everything you said about what makes it easier. However, I had actually thought opposite of this because I see men that are just dominating social media. I find men to be better at communicating, having a presence, and interacting. Thank you though for giving me something to think about!
Thank you,
Patricia Knight
http://patriciaknight.wordpress.com/
Patricia, I think giants shine through no matter their gender. Those with the gift of truly caring about and wanting to help others succeed will always be noticed. I was referencing more of the in the trenches types. Guys like me who are by no means huge in social media but have a pretty good start. Thanks for jumping in. 🙂
Jim
I agree with the “first impressions” sentiment you outline here, as well as the idea that substance or relate-ability being key to maintaining the social relationships. I will say though social media engagements have worked a long way to facilitating even those initial interactions. There’s no hesitation for me to talk with anyone online because it is a bit of a “safe” endeavor. And I would argue it has been a leveler on many levels, not just gender. The uncomfortableness is removed from talking with experts, or leaders, or any person that would seem unapproachable in person. The social space has evened the playing field and made it so much easier to make any kind of connection. It’s really amazing when you think of the impact it is having on our socialization “rules.” Kinda fun. 🙂
Kinda fun for sure and anything that breaks down traditionalists rules I’m all for. I’m certainly thankful the friendship it’s helped you and I develop. I’m not sure how I feel about safe, I think maybe some people feel too safe and remove all filters from their behavior. As for leveling the playing field that is probably also true as I think about it.
I come from a time where chatting online consisted of handles only. No pictures. I remember being shocked meeting a few people “IRL” to find out they were the opposite sex. Even today, although there are now pictures and more gender specific handles, I still look at it the same way. It’s someone I’m connecting with: sex, age, etc. is irrelevant. The intertubes not only level the playing field for business: it removes most social barriers. Make sense?
Agreed Brew – it’s a more complex ecosystem than most folks think. Throw in a few million spambots just to make it even more interesting 🙂