Home > #PMA09 > Moving a teenager to college

Moving a teenager to college

by JimRaffel on September 1, 2010

I’m a big ball of mush sometimes. No, really I am. Normally when there is no one looking, like earlier this evening. I had just left my oldest child’s first home that is not a home we had made for her. For her second year of college, she has moved away (25 whole miles) into her own apartment. It hit me as a I walked to the car that both our stories would be changing now.

Moving a teenager to collegeIs she starting a new story? Or, as I suspect, is one of mine ending? I think the reality is that her story is just continuing on, but my life has changed in a big way today. A way that only parents who have experienced children going away to college (or to serve in the military) can understand.

Yes, I have one more teenager but trust me, this first one, who I love with all my heart, will always be the more challenging one. She just will – she’s like her Dad.

I felt a little lump in my throat as I walked out of her apartment. It hit me how fast the next several years will go. I remember many years ago a friend explaining that his daughter couldn’t be getting married yet. It had only been a few months ago she was a baby in his arms. A couple weeks ago she was a girl scout. Just last week she graduated from high school and went off to college. Surely two and half decades had not passed!

Time waits for none of us. I’ve got a few regrets related to how I parented but there’s clearly no use worrying about that anymore. My story now is to support her from afar. To be the safety net, even if she doesn’t know it’s there. I mean, if you can’t fall back on your parents, who can you fall back on? (I’m sure that goes back to how both my wife and I were raised).

Go out of your way to make the special moments happen. The happiest memories she shares are of time spent together as a family. Normally on vacation when Mom and Dad had less to worry about.

Tagged as: change, college, human interest, life changes, moving, moving away, story, stressful, teenager

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  • http://www.spaighttalk.com Sue Spaight

    Thanks for sharing this, Jim. It’s a great post and I truly love that you are sharing this emotional side of you.

    As you know I am presently beating the crap out of myself for having missed 20 minutes of my son’s first day of kindergarten that I was allowed to share with him, but had my head too far up my butt to read the teacher letter. Those are 20 very special minutes that I can’t get back again. And (what feels like) 20 minutes from now, he’ll be leaving for college.

    I realize that as parents (or anything else), we are never going to achieve perfection. We have to find ways to forgive ourselves our shortcomings, and move on. And focus on the times that we DID step up and create those special memories like you’re talking about.

    For what it’s worth, my stepdaughter still calls her Daddy from college when she has a fever, like this past weekend, or just needs to hear his voice. My Daddy is 86 years old, now, and I don’t need him a bit less than I did when I was leaving for kindergarten, or college, or getting married. You’ll always be that to her.

  • Debbie

    Such a bitter-sweet time in both a parent’s and a child’s life. As a parent, you’re so proud of the accomplishments they’ve achieved and excited to watch them grow into young adults. Yet, you miss their daily presence in your life and are filled with anxiety for what may lie ahead for them. As a child, you yearn for the moment to prove your maturity and independence and are eager to begin adulthood. Yet, you miss your parent’s occasional shoulder, those special family moments and even their constant involvement in your life. And when both parent and child are at that special place, it’s time to cut just one of the many strings that bind you together as a family. But remember, you’re only cutting one string. They’ll always be your children and you’ll always be their parent. At the end of the day, you can smile because you know in your heart that you did something right, somewhere along the way.

  • http://JimRaffel.com/ Jim Raffel

    Great perspective on the “strings” Debbie. So, when our children begin having children of their own do we begin to have new strings connecting the families? I think we do.

  • http://JimRaffel.com/ Jim Raffel

    Sue,
    Thanks for that last paragraph. Great perspective.

    Please take it easy on yourself. Think of all the great memories G-man has from the lake vacation. :)

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